A New Dawn

(And no, that's not a Twilight reference!)

So it probably hasn't escaped anyone's notice that I have completely failed the "one blog a week" challenge I set myself, what with my last post being at the end of January, and it now being pretty much the end of June. The main reason for the failure (aside from sheer laziness on my part) is the final demise of an almost-ten-year relationship which had been breaking down for quite some time.

I am okay, more or less. It was my decision to call it a day, but in the grand scheme of things that doesn't make the ending any less nasty and painful, especially when the person you are breaking up with apparently doesn't even realise there is a problem and firstly refuses to listen and secondly takes it extremely badly. The problem is further compounded when you live together and have no easy way to make a quick, clean break that would be happier and healthier for everyone.

Someone said to me recently that when things end, they always end badly, or they wouldn't end. I think that's true; I never wanted it to come down to petty nastiness and point scoring, and I am trying very hard to keep it that way on my side of things and to just get on with what comes next. I have lost some friends: some very openly and some who will probably just drift away over time because of the very nature of breakups, and that's saddening to me, although I also know that there are plenty of people willing to stick around and hear my side of the story.

For the record: yes, I have met someone else. Yes, the timing is lousy. No, I didn't cheat. In a perfect world, the timing would have been more socially acceptable, but when there is someone in your life who makes you glad just to wake up in the morning, you can't ignore that.

I have been in a dark place for a long time, felt worthless and like scum, but I am starting to get up again. Part of that is my new relationship, but a massive part of that is down to the amazing friends I have made in FFBOS and the north London amdram community. They made me begin to believe I had something to offer in my own right, that I was talented and strong and that there is something in me that is likeable. They made me see that spending my life being a pedestal for someone else to stand on and thereby standing in the shadows and never getting the things in life that mattered to me, would be a waste. There are too many of them to start naming, and there's not a single one among them who hasn't been lovely and supportive to me, so I will just say a blanket thank you FFBOS, Acorners, Green Roomers, ELODSers Cuffleyites and any other groups I've forgotten!

So now, here I am. My ex is in the process of moving out, and I strongly suspect that I will be moving on myself very soon. I will stay in north London - I won't leave FFBOS and my friends for all the tea in China (and I like tea rather a lot!)- but I will be going somewhere new, probably smaller and cheaper, with my wonderful new partner and our four (count them, four!!) cats.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me....

And I'm feeling good :)